Throwback Post: Meltdowns All the Way Around

**THROWBACK POST**

December 11 2017:

After an extremely rough afternoon, what a blessing to receive a sweet, loving, kind, and generous message. Just the push I needed to bring on the sobbing so I could connect and release.

When you have one with difficulties in the executive functions area, it is nearly impossible to suggest spur of the moment activities. In Lillian’s case a meltdown is going to happen 95% of the time.

Yet, I continue to try. We have a blu-ray Christmas movie to watch from the library as they had no regular DVD of this movie.

I figured we could watch it at the lodge in the theater as their equipment will play blu-ray. (I use a really old portable DVD player plugged into a projector for our movie watching as we don’t have a TV.)

I looked on the library website and saw we would have to return the movie on Wednesday so I suggested we head on over and watch it. Well, at the same time, I must have given my patience a vacation. And, invited every worry and concern that has been bothering me over the past three months.

Two kids having meltdowns, one mom having an outburst, and two hours later. We are still out of sorts but this wonderful and generous message was exactly what my heart needed.

Sharing for anyone else who is having an off day, anyone who gave their patience the day off, or anyone who invited worry and concerns to cloud their day. From one human to another; I share a loving, warm, heart hug with you. And say, You are not alone. Be still. And know. xoxo

Follow up thoughts:

I find for myself when I am already in “Why me victim mode” and my thoughts are full of worries and concerns that having nothing to do with a current incident. That’s when I lose it. So when not in that meltdown moment I practice mindfulness and meditation and walks in nature so that I can have a balanced and peaceful perspective most times. Yet, we are human, so that’s not going to happen every time. And. That. Is. Okay. xoxo

I have felt incredibly out of sorts and in a huge fog lately. Along with some anxiety. I know when I feel anxiety it is usually due to something surfacing that it would be best for me to connect with so as to release. Sometimes I forget that, though, and resist.

Most times if I would quit trying to row the boat and just let that sweet little boat float through life, peace would be more consistent. For, I fully believe that life knows what its doing and has my back. xoxo

**November 2022 Update** I simply want to add that five years later we’ve come a long way. My perception of life has shifted a bit from where I was in 2017. That was the place I need to be in that moment. 

The Chromosome 18 Blog is Live – Dear Meltdown by Camilla Downs

April 13 2022

The brand new Chromosome 18 blog is now live, with one of my older writings having been posted. It’s the writing I submitted to, and was accepted by, Elephant Journal back in the day.

Dear Meltdown…

Anger is like a storm rising up from the bottom of your consciousness. When you feel it coming, turn your focus to your breath. ~Thich Nhat Hanh

Dear Meltdowns,

Welcome and Meet My Friend Mindfulness

Sometimes I’m able to sense when you’re lurking in the shadows. Sometimes I’m not. And you sneak up like a cat stalking its prey.

You penetrate the peace of an otherwise tranquil day like an earthquake suddenly rocking and rolling in the middle of a quiet night’s sleep. You are the complete opposite of fun and joy.

You are loud, aggressive, physically harmful, and verbally malicious. You lack compassion, empathy, and kindness. You take all actions and words personally.

What I want you to know is that I welcome you. Not like I’d welcome my best friend coming over for coffee and chatting. I welcome you like one later appreciates a grumpy relative during the holidays knowing that being around this person can help us to learn more about our own triggers.

You are helping us to know what emotions and …..

https://www.chromosome18.org/dear-meltdown-camilla-downs

 

Throwback Post: Major Meltdown

**THROWBACK POST**

December 6 2013:

Sweet Lillian had a major melt down the other morning. Oh my word! I realize how much Thomas is looking to me to see how I respond and how to respond when she’s lost it. There is no speaking to her. One must wait until she has calmed. As she was in her room trying to get calm, I explained to Thomas that she is going through puberty on top of having a decreased ability to control and handle her response when things don’t go as she wants them to … due to her chromosome abnormality. At times it is difficult for me to control my response!

What seems to be working during this phase is to flood my thoughts and heart with love and compassion and respond softly. This does not mean I do not respond when Lillian blames me and Thomas for how she chooses to react. I gently let her know that absolutely no one controls what she says and does but her. I give her suggestions like taking deep breaths, counting, going to her room, reading a book, changing what she’s thinking about, drinking some water.

Thomas has a great deal of anxiety when Lillian is unhappy or having a melt down. I attempt to show him by my reaction that we want to not let our emotions/attitude be controlled by other people and their emotions. I explain that I know it’s difficult at times and that if we are at least aware of this, then we can be more helpful by focusing on a solution when needed. Otherwise, Lillian has had great days all this week! Love and hugs y’all! xoxo

For years I have been making a shift to more mindful living. By no means do I have this perfected and there are times when I’m less than happy with my chosen response! However, when I do offer an “icky” response, I don’t beat myself up about it. I take note of it, release it and move on …

I sometimes over react too. I forgive myself, apologize to others and release it. We know that anything we say in anger is not coming from our true selves. Our true self only knows love and compassion. Oceans of love and hugs to all y’all!! xoxo

Honestly, there are times I would like to stick my head in the sand and pretend I don’t have kids …. And then, in the thick of the dramatic moment and in times of calm, I look deep into Lillian’s or Thomas’s eyes and we truly “see” one another. We each know that there’s no need to play games or “do” drama …. that’s not who we truly are …

2015 update:

It’s been 2 years since I posted this. It served as a good reminder when it popped up in memories. I’m still working on the blog post about the current journey with Ms. Lillian. I’d love to say that this got better. Yet, in fact it got worse (the melt downs became volatile last December 2014). We are making really good progress with psychotherapy (focused on mindfulness, recognizing emotions, and CBT).

Thomas does indeed still have anxiety when she has a meltdown turned explosion. Yet, he has learned the art of distraction. He tries his best using this method. Plus, he’s even used it on me! It’s been a journey of growth and learning. It’s been perfect and is happening exactly as it should be! Lillian has been the teacher that brought mindfulness into our life and that is a true blessing! Hugs to all y’all! xoxo


(Recent photo of Lillian, on one of our walks)

**September 2020 Update** 

I’m happy to write that things have gotten better! Lillian began using botanical oils in 2017, and once I got the dosage and timing figured out, it has helped tremendously. She still does have the occasional volatile melt down, but not nearly as often. I’m sure that maturity has helped a bit, too. Yet, still waiting for that to kick in a bit more.

Will You Please Help Lillian Get Back to Herself

**THROWBACK POST**

November 6 2013:

Lillian had a melt down a few mornings ago complete with she’s moving out, she hates it here and calling Thomas and I idiots. Once she calmed down, she asked in a different, quiet, deep and more mellow voice, “Camilla, will you please help Lillian get back to herself”.

I said, “Absolutely!”, and asked how I could help? Then I helped her get dressed. Later I asked who it was that asked me to help get her back to herself. She told me her name, which I forgot, and said that she was a professional ballet dancer. I said that it was very kind of her friend to come along and help her get through that rough moment …

Lillian has these melt downs about 1 to 4 times per week. Usually it’s when we are getting ready to leave for school or anywhere else. She does not like to be rushed and reminded to complete the next step of getting ready. I choose to mostly ignore her unkind comments as I know that’s not the true Lillian.

The more I do not acknowledge the melt down and the more I remain calm the sooner she is able to bring herself back to the true Lillian. I am so truly grateful for all that this beautiful little soul has taught me about myself and life! xoxo

An Open Letter to My Daughter’s Meltdowns

January 3 2017:

bench-at-vintage-lake-february-2016

Top 10 Countdown! The 2016 blog post on CamillaDowns.com with the most views: Dear Meltdown – The article which was quickly accepted and published by elephant journal.

May this land in front of the one who would benefit from reading it …

Dear Meltdown: Meet My Friend Mindfulness