January 15 2022
Yesterday, Lillian had the first of three appointments for the neuropsychological evaluation, assessing for autism with anything else that presents. They are each about an hour and a half in length.
It was rough. Some of the assessment is timed. Lillian cannot process being out of time, when she’s not finished with a task. She had to come sit in the car with me for a 15 minute break.
Dr. Highsmith was lovely. It’s obvious she is skilled and has much experience. I’m relieved to have the 1st appointment finished. Two to go.
Lillian very much did not want to do this. But, can see the benefit. So we decided to incorporate something she DID want to do. Afterwards, we stopped at Audrey Harris park to take in the view, and take some photos.
January 18 2022
This afternoon Lillian had the second of three appointments for the neuropsychological evaluation, assessing for autism with anything else that presents. They are each about an hour and a half in length.
This time wasn’t as rough as last Friday. However, Lillian really didn’t want to go, so we were 15 minutes late. And good news! They were able to finish it with this visit. So Lillian does not have to return on Friday. 🎉🎉🎉 Go Lillian! We can do hard things!!
One last appointment next Wednesday. But, that is just for me to go over the results of the assessment (and Lillian if she wants to attend, but it’s at 9:00am and Lillian isn’t interested in an appointment at that time).
We decided to incorporate something fun again. Afterwards, we took Rosey to the car wash.
When they were very young, I didn’t have the money to put towards entertainment. I barely had enough for food. So I would make going to the car wash an adventure. Still is.
January 26 2022
I received the results of Lillian’s neuropsychological evaluation this morning. It was as expected (plus some), however, overwhelming with much parent guilt over not having done this earlier in her life. Hot tears have been flowing on and off most of the day. This also brought relief in knowing the “why” of some issues.**
I feel like I’m the middle of the rope in tug of war between helping Thomas get enrolled for dual credits for his last two years of high school, along with figuring out college, and thinking about all that needs to be addressed with Lillian. Plus addressing some of my own medical issues. We’ve got the route(s) figured out for dual credits. It’s just taking all the steps, filling out the forms, and looking into colleges to be sure the credits transfer to the 4 year degree.
I have been letting myself feel sad and sorry for myself today, as I do this all alone. Some days I’m just so damn tired. I will walk into the overwhelm, the tiredness, and let myself feel it all. I don’t believe in smooshing these kinds of feelings down, piling positivity on top of it. That does no one any good. I believe in physically feeling the shit of life.
This evaluation assessed more than autism. I’ve not shared the results as that is up to Lillian as to whether or not we share. She does have some hard core disregulation happening. These diagnoses have opened up therapies that insurance would not pay for without the diagnosis, and informed me of specific therapies and tests I did not know about. Therapies that would have been incredibly helpful earlier in life. Yet, we will start where we are.
Then, tomorrow, or the next, or the next, I’ll move back to knowing that I’m a damn cheetah, because I can do hard things. (So glad I read Glennon Doyle’s book and learned that phrase! Highly recommend her book, Untamed.)
I’m not posting for sympathy. I’m sharing because that’s part of my processing. Getting it out of my head. And I know if I’m feeling this way, someone I know has, or is, feeling this way. 🌹🌹🌹 (Photo of a damn cheetah!)